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Fii bărbat, nu glugă de coceni!

emotional-abuse-600x386Când erai mic, acasă la mama ta – căci da, și tu ai avut o mamă cândva – ai învățat că bărbații sunt puternici, că lumea e împărțită în treburi care aparțin celor de-un sex cu tine și în treburi care aparțin lor, prostănacelor care trebuie să vă slugărească și să vă educe copiii. Ce armonie? Ce legături frumoase, pașnice? Ce dragoste? Dragostea e pentru proști. Respectul față de femeie, la fel, e pentru efeminați, pentru ăia care-și dau cu lac pe unghii și își pensează sprâncenele, la același salon de înfrumusețare cu nevestele.

Așa că fii bărbat, mă, nu glugă de coceni! Treci la treabă și spune-i femeii de lângă tine că-i ”proastă grămadă”, că dacă n-ai fi existat tu ”s-o iei de pe străzi”, ea, cu siguranță ”n-ar fi fost doamna de azi și s-ar fi întins cu unul și cu altul”. Lasă că ești tu bun tare!

Are femeia ta proiecte pe care le consideră frumoase? Își petrece timpul visând cu ochii deschiși la momentele în care ceea ce a creat va prinde viață? S-o aduci cu picioarele pe pământ, bărbate! Spune-i că visatul e pentru proști, ceea ce demonstrează, din nou, cât de tâmpită și proastă e. Amintește-i că datoria ei de femeie e să șmotruiască în casă până-ți place ție (oricum n-o să-ți placă niciodată, vei mai avea tu ceva de comentat de pe margine) și să facă întocmai ce-i spui tu, după planul stabilit de tine. Doar așa va deveni o femeie de care vei fi mândru. Până acum, de atâția ani, nu ți-a dat niciun motiv, ba chiar s-a prostit de la an la an, din ce-i spui tu.

Spune-i că e proastă. Spune-i că nu e bună de nimic. Știi c-o deranjează, că asta i-a spus și soacră-ta, o viață întreagă. Știa ea ce știa. A fost suficient de proastă să-ți mărturisească tot ce are pe suflet? Folosește-te de fiecare frică de-a ei, redu-o la zero de fiecare dată când vrei să arăți cât de puternic ești tu față de ea. Fă tot ce poți s-o poticnești în drumul spre visele ei, iar apoi, când a renunțat, explică-i faptul că oricum ea nu și-a dorit suficient de tare să-l îndeplinească. Dacă și-ar fi dorit cu adevărat, nu ar fi renunțat, indiferent de obstacol, chiar dacă e vorba de tine, cel căruia i-a jurat credință și dragoste veșnică.  Și urlă, da, urlă cât te țin bojocii, să audă tot cartierul cât de mult te exasperează proasta de nevastă-ta.

Adu-i aminte, la fiecare ceartă, cât e de ratată, fiindcă n-a reușit, de exemplu, să-și ia permisul de conducere. Râzi de frica ei de a conduce, ironizeaz-o până va începe să plângă, arătându-i cât de slabă e. Dă-i exemplele vecinelor de vizavi, care-s adevărate amazoane în ochii tăi, care dau și cu sapa, cresc copii, știu să taie lemne, mulg vaci, merg la muncă și au grijă de bărbat. ”Vezi, proasto, tu nu le poți face! Alea-s femei, nu tu!”. Calitățile ei, de fapt, nu sunt calități decât în ochii proștilor ca ea. Și spune-i, de fiecare dată când nu-ți convine ceva, să se ducă la maică-sa. Știi că n-o să se ducă, că se va mulțumi să nu îți vorbească o zi sau două, după care-i va trece.

Ai grijă s-o bombănești de fiecare dată când își dorește să-și cumpere un lucru, oricât de mic. Chiar așa! Ce-ți trebuie, ție, femeie, rujuri? Nu ai atâtea acasă? Dar pantofi noi la ce-ți trebuie? Nu ți-a cumpărat el pantofi în urmă cu trei ani pe care nu-i porți, plângându-te că-s de babe, când, de fapt, ăia-s de ”doamne adevărate”? Ce gusturi îndoielnice ai, femeie! Adevărat că ești proastă!

Dar haine noi ce-ți trebuie? Alea vechi ce au? Ah, nu te mai ajung? ”Păi, slăbește, dragă, nu vezi că ai ajuns o hardughie?” De la second de ce nu mai vrei să le cumperi? Că acolo oricum e calitatea mai bună. Dar pomana de la prietene de ce n-o mai primești? Că doar amicele tale au gusturi bune la haine și se economisesc bani la bugetul familiei. Pentru proiectele familiei, desigur. Care, de fapt, sunt doar ale lui de la cap la coadă. Vei ști, bărbate, că, de atâta bombănit, va renunța să-și mai cumpere ceva, chiar dacă-i vorba de un fleac.

Râzi mult, bărbate. Râzi de gândurile ei, râzi de ceea ce-ți destăinuie și apoi fii supărat că refuză să mai doarmă cu tine. Sigur are pe altul, proasta. Nu pricepe că tu îi vrei binele, că doar sub îndrumarea ta dumnezeiască poate reuși.

În același timp, însă, laudă-te cu ea în fața prietenilor. Așa, sărută-i mâna! Explică-le lor cât de binecuvântat ești că ai o femeie ca ea lângă tine. Vorbește despre dragostea voastră neasemuit de frumoasă. Spune-i, în fața lor, cât de frumoasă o consideri, cât de genială, cât de minunată e. Și pregătește-ți, în minte, câte un urlet și-o jignire pentru acasă, pentru fiecare compliment făcut în public. Fiindcă ea, femeia, ta, nu trebuie să și-o ia în cap. Trebuie să știe sigur unde îi este locul.

În România, numărul abuzurilor fizice crește considerabil de la an la an, fără ca autoritățile să se poată implica, concret, în rezolvarea problemelor celor abuzați. Legi există, însă nu se aplică, mai ales că cele mai multe dintre victimele abuzului fizic își retrag plângerile, în cazul în care le-au făcut. Cu abuzul emoțional este altă poveste. Este greu de demonstrat și nu poate fi pedepsit, chiar dacă abuzul emoțional este considerat cea mai dureroasă formă de violență și cel mai dăunător mod de distrugere a stimei de sine. De asemenea, este destul de greu de recunoscut, fără intervenția unui specialist. Specialist la care victimele abuzurilor, de obicei, se rușinează să apeleze.

Anamaria SANDA

 

foto: aware.com

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