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Istorii cu politicieni

Posted on by cioaravopsita

Monalise poza CioaraÎn august 2014 am demisionat din presa locală, hotărâtă să nu mă mai întorc niciodată să scriu despre politicienii de largă respirație locală, pe site-uri sau ziare de pe plaiurile noastre. Nici la televizor n-am mai vrut să apar, că m-am plictisit să tot spun și să nu am dreptate pe moment, după care, în timp, să constat că n-am zis rău, că s-a adeverit totul. Așa că mă întorc ca invitat permanent, joia, la tv, la Antena 1 Deva. Și ce să fac și cu Alin Bena?! În urmă cu câțiva ani, l-am bătut la cap să-și facă site, că, uite, scriu și eu, dacă vrea. Și-a făcut. Cioară. Și vopsită pe deasupra. Eu nu prea am umor, trebuie să recunosc, și nici nu prea îmi vine să râd când mă gândesc cum cineva a ajuns să stea în fruntea bucatelor în țărișoară. Există și excepții, să nu credeți că suntem conduși doar de tâmpiți!

Totuși, de ce scriu eu pe aici?! Ca să râdem împreună și să am și eu umor. Și mai am ceva – amintiri cu politicieni. Pentru început o să le povestesc fără să dau nume. Trebuie să aveți răbdare cu mine, sunt excesiv de discretă. Vă asigur că azi veți râde, totuși. Am râs chiar și eu amintindu-mi. Sper să le citiți râzând.

Hai, să vă împărtășesc acum câteva.

Un adevărat primar se afla într-o companie selectă, la un restaurant. A mâncat pește. I-a adus ospătarul și bolul cu apă și felii de lămâie. Ar urma întrebarea – ce a făcut adevăratul primar? Răspunsul e simplu – a băut-o! Bena zice că își imaginează cum o fi râs bietul ospătar în bucătărie și i-o fi adus încă 100 la bol, iar adevăratul ar fi putut spune – „și cu gheață, te rog, că a fost cam sălcie!”

Pe vremea când făceam emisiuni la o televiziune locală, înaintea mea avea popa Mihuleț talk-show înaintea mea. Invitatul lui stătea pe locul meu, iar el pe locul invitatului meu. Și-a terminat popa emisiunea, am intrat în studio cu invitatul meu – Tiberiu Balint. Ne-am așezat și așteptam să intrăm în direct. Mai era vreun minut până să începem. Brusc, s-a deschis ușa studioului, pe care a năvălit invitatul popii. S-a repezit bietul silvicultor sub masă, aproape să mă împingă de pe scaun. Eu și Balint – cu ochii cât cepele! Nefericitul își uitase guma de mestecat lipită de partea de jos a mesei, acolo unde exista o policioară pe care ne așezam picioarele. Și-a luat guma de la un centimetru de pantoful meu stâng și insista să îmi explice de ce o lăsase acolo, chit că până la intrarea în direct rămăseseră câteva secunde. Vreo 25 de minute din emisiune am rânjit tâmp la Balint, iar el hohotea.

Era campanie electorală. Făceam emisiuni de alea idioate, în care candidații vin și spun prostii fără număr. Unul dintre ei, mare candidat la Parlamentul European, a ajuns cu doar un minut înainte în studio. De regulă, le spun invitaților să se așeze pe haină, ca să nu li se ridice în spate, ori sunt atentă să nu stea strâmb. La acela nu m-am uitat până am intrat în direct. Mare greșeală! Avea dinții plini de brânză! Fusese la piață să se pupe cu electoratul!

Până data viitoare, vă pup!

Monalise Hihn

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