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Secrete de familie

abuzLaura are 35 de ani și, în copilărie, a fost abuzată sexual de un unchi de-al ei. I-au trebuit ani întregi până s-a hotărît să-i spună și mamei ce-i făcuse fratele ei. Ajunsese la vârsta la care înțelegea cât de grav a fost ce i s-a întâmplat și că este perfect normal să își tot amintească de cele întâmplate.

”Aveam 17 ani când i-am spus, cu detalii, tot ce mi-a făcut el și când. Sunt lucruri pe care ți le amintești de parcă s-au întâmplat ieri. Te bântuie și nu poți scăpa de ele. Te urmăresc și te fac să te simți mizerabil. Ce a făcut mama? A ascultat, tăcută, în timp ce-și bea cafeaua și fuma, ca de obicei, țigară după țigară. După ce mi-am terminat povestea, am așteptat minute în șir. S-a ridicat de la masă, a venit spre mine și mi-a tras două palme, strigându-mi că vreau să stric reputația unui om minunat. Nu a spus nicio clipă că nu mă crede, doar repeta că aceste lucruri s-au întîmplat cu mulți ani în urmă, au trecut și nu înțelege de ce le scot eu acum la iveală, că fratele ei este un om cu o imagine bună”, îmi povestește, cu amărăciune, femeia.

La 19 ani a plecat de acasă, fiindcă nu mai suporta. Acum e bine, mărturisește, însă nu a putut niciodată să ierte. Nici pe unchiul ei, nici pe mama care preferă să-și apere fratele.

Adriana are 26 de ani. E frumoasă, inteligentă și amuzantă. Dacă-i urmărești profilul de Facebook, ai impresia că este unul dintre oamenii binecuvântați de Dumnezeu, cu o viață extraordinară. Are o slujbă bună și s-a mutat din Valea Jiului în București, orașul promisiunilor pentru copiii de provincie.

În intimitate, însă, vorbește despre copilăria ei traumatizantă. Despre bătăi care durau ore în șir. Despre un tată abuziv care, înecat în alcool, își snopea nevasta și copiii în bătaie până obosea, după care adormea. Când se trezea, era supărat că ”de ce sunt vinete” și le bătea iarăși. ”Mama nu a vrut să plece niciodată de lângă el. Am implorat-o și nu a vrut. Mi-a zis că, dacă e să plece cineva din acea casă, atunci eu ar trebui s-o fac, fiindcă stric armonia familiei. Ce armonie? Care familie? Cel mai mult mă deranjează că, deși ne vedem doar o dată pe an și atunci prefer să nu stau acasă, ci pe la vreo pensiune, își adună vecinii la masă și ei le povestesc ce părinți minunați au fost, succesul meu fiind dovada felului în care m-au crescut”, povestește ea.

În Uricani, în urmă cu câțiva ani, un individ și-a ucis soția sub ochii copilului de șapte ani, urlând că voia să-și ucidă și fiica de 13 ani, fiindcă ”nu ținea cu el”. Cu luni bune înainte, femeia îl reclamase la poliție, fiindcă intrase în chioșcul la care era vânzătoare, aruncase benzină pe ea și a vrut să-i dea foc. Polițiștii nu au luat în serios plângerea femeii și a trebuit să plătească cu viața. Tot în Uricani, la câteva luni după oribila crimă de mai sus, un alt bărbat i-a dat foc soției, care a murit câteva săptămâni mai târziu, din cauza arsurilor. Și în acest caz femeia îl reclamase, însă fără niciun rezultat.

”În Valea Jiului, toți bărbații își bat femeile. Noi nu avem ce să facem. Dacă dăm amendă, femeia iar va lua bătaie, că afectează bugetul familiei. De cele mai multe ori, ele își retrag plângerea. Sunt probleme de familie în care e mai bine să nu te bagi”, îmi spunea comandantul Poliției Uricani de la acea vreme.

”Toată lumea are secrete de familie. Abuzurile, bătăile, alcoolul și traumele fac parte din ele. Mie îmi este rușine să vorbesc lumii despre asta. Țin în mine și merg mai departe. Mi-am promis că eu nu voi repeta greșelile părinților mei și am reușit. Copiii mei sunt fericiți, nu mi-am lovit niciodată soția și nu gust scandalul. Nu pot uita, însă, să știi”, îmi spune și Cristian, o altă victimă a abuzurilor familiei.

În România nu se știe exact numărul cazurilor de abuz, întrucât încă este ”rușinos” să vorbești despre așa ceva. Suntem o nație care judecă, care arată cu degetul și generalizează; căreia nu i se pare mare lucru dacă bați un copil sau dacă îți bați soția. Autoritățile nu se implică, fiindcă ”nu te poți băga în familia omului”. Victimele abuzurilor, de cele mai multe ori, nu au unde să se ducă și nici cui să se plângă. De multe ori, prietenii pățesc cam aceleași lucruri în familiile lor, așa că nu li se pare nimic deosebit. În astfel de comunități, abuzul, de orice fel ar fi el, e o normalitate, iar victimele, dacă îndrăznesc să se revolte, sunt învinovățite și reduse la tăcere.

De consiliere psihologică nici nu poate fi vorba. Cine e dispus să-i spună unui străin toate lucrurile care i s-au întîmplat? De unde să ai atâția bani, mai ales dacă trăiești într-o zonă în care salariile sunt mici? Și dacă te descoperă cineva și îți pune eticheta de ”nebun”?

Apoi ne întrebăm cum de, ca adulți, descoperim că suntem ”defecți”, nu știm să fim fericiți sau să avem parte de liniște.

 

Anamaria SANDA

 

 

Comments

comments

cioaravopsita

290 Comments

  1. Adevăruri dureroase. Drame trăite. Sunt mutilate sufletele unor copii nevinovați. Uneori vinovați sunt părinții. Aici intervine gradul de cultură și sărăcia lucie. Întrebare : cu ce vine în ajutor societatea civilă ? Întrebarea : ce face statul pentru prevenire și soluționare, este retorică. Trăim vremurile Apocalipsei…

  2. Parintii care abuzeaza au fost abuzati la randul lor. Abuzul este in ADNul lor. E nevoie de educatie, suport comunitar, schimbarea perceptiei asupra normalitatii, recablarea societatii. Din pacate, odata traumatizat e greu, aproape imposibil de reparat un om 🙁

  3. Hmm…intr-adevar sunt adevăruri dureroase,dar nu cred ca este corect fata de familiile frumoase,cele care traiesc in armonie sa se generalizeze…sunt din Vale si stiu multi oameni frumosi,care se inteleg si sunt un exemplu pentru cei din jur. Cred ca in toata tara se întâlnesc astfel de drame,acolo unde sărăcia e mare,iar mintea e putina…

    • Cred ca nu stii ce e ala frumos….de fiecare data cand ma intorc intorc in vale toti…au fetele posomorate si parca s_ar uita si urat…..o sa simti asta cand o sa plec de acolo pt o perioada de timp

  4. „În Valea Jiului, toți bărbații își bat femeile.” Comandantul Politiei Uricani de la aceea vreme daca intradevar a facut o astfel de delcaratie e un mare bou.
    Toata compasiunea pentru victimele violentei domestice, dar declaratii retarde de genul celei de mai sus nu ajuta cu nimic, din contra …

  5. Cum puteti scrie asa aberatii ??
    Nu zic ca nu sunt cazuri de familii unde au loc abuzuri dar totusi nu poti generaliza in asa hal …Sunt destui nenorociti ,ca de altfel in orice localitate din tara asta dar n-ai cum sa afirmi ca daca tu ai avut un unchi sau un tata dement toti unchii si toti tatii dintr-un oras sunt la fel

    • Domnule Gică, cu respect, cred că nu aţi citit cu prea mare atenţie sau nu ştiţi la ce-s bune ghilimelele.
      Afirmaţia „În Valea Jiului, toți bărbații își bat femeile.”, evident aberantă şi nedreaptă, aparţine şefului Poliţiei Uricani. Am consemnat aberaţia ca atare, aşa cum a fost ea emisă.

  6. Daca toti isi bat nevestele, logica imi spune ca si el o face, nu? Asadar, punem lupul paznic la oi. Vai de noi…

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